Gathering the Family to Celebrate and to Mourn

I love seeing and spending time with my extended family. I don't enjoy, though, the reasons that sometimes I get to see my family--like yesterday.

Growing up together, which of us ever thought we would have to gather like we did yesterday to mourn the passing of a spouse who was a father, a grandfather, a great man. A man whose life was cut short before his time. It was hard.

And then when someone remarked that he was "in a better place," I was reminded of a song I know--which so deeply expresses the conflict of being left behind as we are,while holding onto the memories of someone who has crossed over as we all look forward to doing. Even though I know about being in a better place, I don't find those words especially comforting, because I'm here and they're not. It is just too ephemeral to be real when we are standing in middle of shock and grief. This song, I  have found, helps me understand my emotions about losing loved ones.

The song was performed by Mercyme, and is called Homesick.

The words of the song go as follow:

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now


It is hard to be the one left behind even though we know and are convinced of the promise because it doesn't take away the pain of being apart.

Sometimes life just doesn't make any sense.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Under the Stars

Last evening I took the opportunity to lay on the damp, dew covered cool ground for a while and reacquaint myself with the stars and the constellations. Heading out shortly after dark was a treat because I spied about ten satellites, saw five meteors, and just looked into space at the Milky Way and the constellations that I have always considered to be my nightime friends.

I don't get to do that so much at home in Elkridge because of the ground light from the urban area in which I live and the trees which surround the small piece of earth that I came mine. I enjoy returning to the area where I grew up and being reassured that all of the stars are still there.

I remember growing up becoming familiar with the stars and dreaming of being an astronaut. While that never happened, my love of space has never waned. I have grown to comprehend more about orbits and satellites and things in space, but as I gain more knowledge my awe and wonder at how it all works has remained. It is so much more an physics and science, it is a wonderfully constructed canvas upon which creation is painted.

Staring into space is looking back into history. The light from the stars that I saw last evening began the journey to my eye long ago in the past. Even the light from our sun takes 8 or more minutes to get to Earth.

And so, for a for a few minutes I was transported back into my childhood looking at the stars while standing on the shore of Cayuga Lake at Boy Scout camp being taught the constellations, many of which I still remember.

It was peaceful, lying in the cool damp grass hearing the peepers and frogs while being transported into my memories.

-- Bob Doan, writing from Ithaca, NY

From the Evening Air into the Dawning Day

Last evening, as the sun set over the house and I had completed installing a replacement sink in the basement, I was pleased to see a record number of bats flying over the yard scarfing up those pesky mosquitoes. I was sitting there thinking and relaxing after an extra long day--who knew that sinks could get holes in them and my mind wandered to the scene form the baseball game last week with the setting sun reflecting off the clouds in the golden hues of the evening.

I am still amazed that the temperatures seem so autumn like--and despite being a summer person I do enjoy the cool evenings and low humidity. Yet, this is a hard time. as the realization that summer may be ending too soon is setting in. Being the crazy that I am, I long for the dog days of summer and wish it were hot so that we would be counting the days until relief arrived. It is here.

Today is dawning anew, with the hope and promise of the morning, yet, I am off on a very hard trip today to upstate NY today. The cool temperatures will not moderate the grief and pain that that my family is experiencing. There are no good answers, only hope and faith in God's plan. And so we are gathering--to mourn and to remember.

The drive today will provide some time for reflection. It has been crazy busy since I returned from Florida. I have to pay for my transgressions of being away. Tomorrow will be harder.

And then it is back to be immersed in the joys, and pains, and activities that make up my life and remind me of how blessed I am.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Monday Musings - August 5, 2013

1. What is the real magic of Disney? Every kid knows that it is Daddy's (or granddad's) American Express!

2. I have  been enjoying the nice, cool summer evenings. Oh, wait, it is still early August--it is supposed to be hot and sultry!

3. I made it into my pool yesterday for the first time since returning from Florida. It was good to be in the water again even if it was only my pool.

4. It is amazing what a creature of habit I am--I had a small issue with my tractor yesterday when my right foot thought it was on the brake instead of the gas. Fortunately, nothing was severely damaged.

5. The Orioles have been losing more than they have been winning lately--I hope they break out of the funk soon!

6. We spelt with the windows open for the first time in a long time last night--the heavy vegetation growth successfully deadened the noise from I-95 and me allergy medicine allowed me to breathe. It was nice.

7. Sometimes tragic things happen which cause me to reassess how fortunate and blessed that I am.

8. Sitting outside last evening, enjoying the end of a busy day with Chris was the best way to end a day. It it almost as god as a late happy hour on the beach--at least the company is the same.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Clouds Over Baltimore

Baltimore, August 1, 2013

The other evening, as I was enjoying attending an Orioles game, I happened to notice the clouds over Baltimore being illuminated by the setting sun.

The sun reflecting off the colds made me pause to consider them for a moment during the game.

I noticed the silver lining as well as the reflection off the building.

And this was not a passing situation. The cloud and the sun remained in their stunning configuration for many minutes. I just had to snap an image. And I'm glad that I did.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Out the Hotel Window - Charlottesville, VA, during August

Charlottesville, VA Hotel Window

I was in Charlottesville, VA, the other night. I stayed in a different hotel than my normal Charlottesville stomping grounds.

It was a rainy afternoon ending to the day and the month of July as I looked out on the uninspiring scene out my hotel window.

I had driven much of the way in my convertible with the top down--but then I saw a ferocious rainstorm ahead. Fortunately, I stopped before the rain met me and raised the top.

I enjoyed the drive to Charlottesville as I discovered two previously unvisited wineries and many others that I need to stop and experience. There always seems to be something to see and do along the side of US 29 on the way to Charlottesville. ALthough the driving time is about two and a half hours--the drive always takes me longer.  And that is a good thing!

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

August? Already?

Fireworks over the Castle in the Magic Kingdom during July

Even though it is now the 2nd of August, I am still reeling with the realization that July is over.

When I went to bed the other night it was July, but when I woke up is was August!

I think I missed something somewhere--what happened to July?  Could it be so quickly over? I was really enjoying July. Hot temperatures, Florida beaches--what's not to like?

It seems like just yesterday we were enjoying the 4th of July with barbecue and fireworks. It is almost like being a kid at an amusement park who is so fully engaged in the rides and the fun that it is a total shock when things begin to close down at the end of the day. Oh, yeah, I did that at the Magic Kingdom, too--during July.

I actually enjoyed two spectacular fireworks displays during the month!

Despite the month passing with nothing more than a whimper, I'd really like a July do over!

I wonder what August has in store? 

I am already complaining about the cool overnight temperatures--more like late-August than the beginning. And there is September--lurking on the horizon!

--  Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Virginia Wine Trail - Pearmund Cellars

Pearmund Cellars

Traveling through Northern Virginia yesterday on my way to Charlottesville, I had the opportunity to visit two wineries and vineyards that I had driven by but not stopped at during my previous travels through the area.

The first was Pearmund Cellars in Broad Run, Virginia. They say of themselves: "Pearmund Cellars is located in the beautiful foothills of eastern Fauquier County, VA, conveniently close to Northern Virginia and Washington, DC. Our 7500-square-foot geothermal winery and 25-acre vineyard produces Chardonnay, Viognier, Riesling, Late Harvest Vidal, Merlot, Cabernet Franc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Petit Verdot, Ameritage, and other award-winning Virginia wines."

I did note that they were recently recognized by Virginia Wine Lover magazine as the best winery in Virginia for 2013 as reported on their web site.

The tasting room is located a short drive off Highway 29 and is well marked. Follow the signs! There are a couple turns where without the excellent signage it would be easy to end up in the driveway of a private residence. The tasting room is large and offers good access to the pouring bar for larger groups. They also offer an assortment of light sandwich fare and cheese plates for those who just want to buy a glass or a bottle and stop to enjoy themselves for a while.

I found the wines to be very representative of Virginia wines. Most of the juice for their wines is sourced from vineyards throughout the central Virginia region, with only the Chardonnay being estate grown. They have an arrangement with a growers in Washington State to produce some wines sourced from there. Of special note, I enjoyed the 2012 Petit Manseng and the 2010 Merlot. The merlot is very light, as compared to most merlots, but has some very nice characteristics. The Collaboration, a wine made entirely using juice form Washington State is also very drinkable and I enjoyed it. The selection of wines offered should find something to appeal to nearly every wine drinker.

RECOMMENDATION: The tasting fee is $10, but it is well worth the time and money to experience the very nice quality wines offered at Pearmund Cellars.

-- Bob Doan, writing from Charlottesville, VA

Winning, Losing, or Playing

General George S. Patton

It is reported that General George S. Patton, a flamboyant and effective World War II U.S. general,  once said, "Americans play to win at all times. I wouldn't give a hoot and hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor ever lose a war."

Vince Lombardi, the legendary NFL football coach for whom the Super Bowl Trophy in named, remarked that “Winning is not everything – but making the effort to win is.”

I've considered these thoughts in my racquetball exploits and in other areas of my life. I keep the Vince Lombardi speech about winning in a frame on the wall of my office--why? Because I need to know that making the effort is the important thing. 

Vince Lombardi on Time Magazine

More and more though, I have come to realize that I need to be smart and pick my battles. Some battles are not important enough to expend a lot of emotional energy "tilting at windmills." I have found that playing cards translates well into life by providing experience in trying to make the best of a bad situation and knowing how to translate a losing hand into a draw or even a win.It is the part of winning that makes me smart enough to know when I have a losing position and determining how to get the best possible outcome for the cards which have been dealt. 

Winning is great, losing sucks--but being on the field with the opportunity to play the game is even best. Before I can either win or lose, I need to be on the field to play the game. Remembering that playing is primary and winning or losing is an outcome helps me keep things in perspective.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Out the Condo Window - Jupiter, Florida

From our Bella Vista on the Park Condo

OK, this entry may be a bit late, given that I am already home and vacation is ended. But, I wanted to continue my look at life out of the window. The condo in Florida provided many more windows to choose from than a hotel room does--and so I chose this view because it contains water! A water view!

The water is a large pond (or is it a small lake) at the complex in which we stay while in Florida. Over the years I have watched the life surging around the pond, but this year I was disappointed to find the the friendly (or not so friendly) ducks and geese that used to live along the banks have been relocated. I like the thought of relocation better than the other option.

From this vantage point, which is really on the balcony, which if it were on the other side of the building would have an "ocean" view, I can see the heavy concrete tiles which form the hurricane resistant roof and I can remember looking down into the parking lot at our vehicle Cleo that in previous years would have been parked under a now removed palm tree.

Life goes on, I guess. Storms move through and it has been three years since we last stayed at this condo. I found many things have not changed--although I wish they would have changed. The condo internet connection is still DSL and it retains it charming Japanese decor including a kimono on the framed on the wall in one bedroom as well as a sign urging people to remove their shoes when the enter. Removing shoes is not a problem for me--I dislike wearing shoes anyway, preferring bare feet even during the winter season.

Most importantly in this image though are the palm trees. I love palm trees and want to plant one in Maryland. I noticed, during my last visit to Ocean City, MD, that one hotel had significantly large palm trees outside their beach entrance and I have surmised that the trees can survive if planted and not retained in pots. I think it would be awesome to line my drive with palms so I can have a perpetual Florida state of mind.

Through my pictures, and the as yet work in progress photo book, my vacation will live on. Soon though, it will be just a memory rather than something I did last week.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD