I have been thinking about marriages and relationships--perhaps it is because two of my children are celebrating anniversaries this coming week, or that I have seen the drama play out on in the news media as another political person destroys his marriage, or maybe a part of a discussion that I had last evening. But I woke up this morning and was reminded that 1+1=1 is an equation that can be used to define marriage.
I love math, and using math to help understand the life is useful and this equation really helps me understand the concept of marriage.
When two people are in a relationship (but not married) they are a couple, but the equation is 1+1=2. They are still two individuals although they are together. If something doesn't go their way--they can and often do part company. That is the way it should be, until they find the person that makes them complete--that fills in the gaps and helps them to see what they have been missing from life and relationships. We were not meant to go through life alone. We are meant to be part of a team--the team defined by marriage.
The transformation between two people in a relationship and a marriage occurs through commitment to each other. The commitment to change the equation to read 1+1=1. It is not the ceremony that does this--the ceremony is the public profession that the couple is transforming from two individuals into a single new creation. I have seen marriages where the commitment wasn't there and they tried to remain two separate individuals living together. These were defective marriages and they failed. Ultimately, I believe selfishness played a factor, too.
The mystery of marriage is that each person brings everything that they are and that they have into the marriage. Nothing is held back. It is an "all in" situation, a selfless situation. It takes 100 percent of each person to make the new creation--the marriage. Even the thought process needs to transform--the two most dangerous words in a marriage are: "I want." The "I want" needs to be replaced with "I believe we." Whenever there is an "I" it should be followed closely by a "we." It is a hard idea--and I know that some people can't get by the idea that they are "giving up" their identity; but they are looking at it wrong. I confess--sometimes I still use the "I want" in my thinking and it usually gets me into trouble--sometimes it works to transform it into a "I want, do you think we" situation.
The idea behind the equation of 1+1=1 is that the new creation--the sum of one person plus one person, requires everything from both to be a one new creation. That means--using the individuality of each to improve and create the marriage. Don't lose it--use it. Don't hold back--give it all up to each other.
Since it is commitment that ultimately provides the foundation for a marriage--is it possible for people to be married without the ceremony? Sure. The ceremony is the public profession that lives are being transformed: two lives become one from this day forward. I know couples who have not made the public profession--and gotten the piece of paper, but they are married--because they are committed to each other and have fused their identities and their creativity into one unit. I would urge them to make that public profession to acknowledge the transformation that has already occurred.
Marriage reminds me that individually I am less than whole--and to be whole, I need to commit to another person. Hence--1+1=1. All of me, plus all Chris in full commitment to each other makes us a new creation and fully whole people.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
The Storm
Last evening some ferocious thunderstorms blew through the area.
I stood on the covered deck and watched the trees waving in the wind--it was a magnificent sight--the dark gray clouds and the trees punctuated by the flashes of lightening followed by the peals of thunder. This was an especially mean storm as the branches of the trees swayed above us--
The lightening flashed followed almost immediately by the thunder which really is a sonic boom crashing through the evening air.
Makayla, although a bit unnerved by the ferocity of the storm, stayed by my side as I sat on the porch watching the wind and rain. I was reminded of watching storms roll down the valley from the front porch of the house I grew up in. The smell of the air, cleansed and freshened by the rain is something which lingers in my memory even today.
The way the trees bend--even though we think of them as solid, is amazing in the face of the storm.
My pool was filled with the leaves torn from those trees--but all of the ones near our house weathered the worst the storm could dish out.
The lawns drank in the water from the sky--it has been hot and dry for a couple weeks.
Evening thunderstorms--I really enjoy them--and the temperature dropped 13 degrees--from 90 to 77.
And just a quickly as it blew in--it was gone and nothing but a memory, and the resulting clean up.
I stood on the covered deck and watched the trees waving in the wind--it was a magnificent sight--the dark gray clouds and the trees punctuated by the flashes of lightening followed by the peals of thunder. This was an especially mean storm as the branches of the trees swayed above us--
The lightening flashed followed almost immediately by the thunder which really is a sonic boom crashing through the evening air.
Makayla, although a bit unnerved by the ferocity of the storm, stayed by my side as I sat on the porch watching the wind and rain. I was reminded of watching storms roll down the valley from the front porch of the house I grew up in. The smell of the air, cleansed and freshened by the rain is something which lingers in my memory even today.
The way the trees bend--even though we think of them as solid, is amazing in the face of the storm.
My pool was filled with the leaves torn from those trees--but all of the ones near our house weathered the worst the storm could dish out.
The lawns drank in the water from the sky--it has been hot and dry for a couple weeks.
Evening thunderstorms--I really enjoy them--and the temperature dropped 13 degrees--from 90 to 77.
And just a quickly as it blew in--it was gone and nothing but a memory, and the resulting clean up.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Follow Up to Daily Fun
I was successful this morning in changing my attitude form a do or die match into recreational fun.
Did I win?
No.
Does is matter?
Thankfully, no--because I was enjoying the competition and the recreation and not so strung out about winning or losing.
Maybe this will work for me if I continue to focus on playing and the joy of playing and not be so concerned about winning. I think my desire for the Orioles to win is beginning to expand into other areas of my life.
Did I win?
No.
Does is matter?
Thankfully, no--because I was enjoying the competition and the recreation and not so strung out about winning or losing.
Maybe this will work for me if I continue to focus on playing and the joy of playing and not be so concerned about winning. I think my desire for the Orioles to win is beginning to expand into other areas of my life.
When Having Fun Becomes a Daily Trial
I firmly believe we need to have fun living life as much as possible.
Some areas of life are not much fun--but others need to be fun and when they stop being fun it is time to examine what's really going on.
I've been struggling lately on the racquetball court--and something that I love has become a trial every time I step onto the court. And it is not that I am losing--I know how to lose, it is that I continue to do dumb things and don't seem to be learning from making the same stupid shot over and over again. I am allowing my frustration with myself to take the fun out of something that I love doing and something that helps me remain sharp and in shape.
I hate running for running sake--the only time I apprecaite running is when I'm being chased.
And the are other areas of life which can become a fun black hole if we are not careful.
Perspective--that is what we need. remember why we do some of the things we do--because we enjoy them. And when the enjoyment is gone, then it is time examine a bit deeper what is going on.
So last evening as I was floating in the pool, I took a moment to examine the stress I'm putting on myself in areas that I don't need to carry stress and I resolved that I am going to start having fun again and not get so tight about these things.
i mean--I do some things because I enjoy them. So I need to enjoy them again, and have fun.
I have enough things in my life that are not fun and are really serious. So I need to really guard the line and not allow recreation activities to cross over into the the realm of life and death type of situations.
I'll let you know how this works out for me.
Some areas of life are not much fun--but others need to be fun and when they stop being fun it is time to examine what's really going on.
I've been struggling lately on the racquetball court--and something that I love has become a trial every time I step onto the court. And it is not that I am losing--I know how to lose, it is that I continue to do dumb things and don't seem to be learning from making the same stupid shot over and over again. I am allowing my frustration with myself to take the fun out of something that I love doing and something that helps me remain sharp and in shape.
I hate running for running sake--the only time I apprecaite running is when I'm being chased.
And the are other areas of life which can become a fun black hole if we are not careful.
Perspective--that is what we need. remember why we do some of the things we do--because we enjoy them. And when the enjoyment is gone, then it is time examine a bit deeper what is going on.
So last evening as I was floating in the pool, I took a moment to examine the stress I'm putting on myself in areas that I don't need to carry stress and I resolved that I am going to start having fun again and not get so tight about these things.
i mean--I do some things because I enjoy them. So I need to enjoy them again, and have fun.
I have enough things in my life that are not fun and are really serious. So I need to really guard the line and not allow recreation activities to cross over into the the realm of life and death type of situations.
I'll let you know how this works out for me.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Where Was That Again?
I read an interesting article the other day that reminded me bout the phantom Bible verses that people sometimes quote. The article is "Actually, that's not in the Bible" by John Blake of CNN.
The premise of the article is that most Christians have never read the Bible, nor are they well versed on what the Bible actually says.
He makes a strong case by pointing out a number of phrases which people usually believe are Biblical--but which do not appear anywhere within the Bible:
Some of the most popular faux verses are pithy paraphrases of biblical concepts or bits of folk wisdom.
Consider these two:
“God works in mysterious ways.”
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”
Both sound as if they are taken from the Bible, but they’re not. The first is a paraphrase of a 19th century hymn by the English poet William Cowper (“God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform).
The “cleanliness” passage was coined by John Wesley, the 18th century evangelist who founded Methodism, says Thomas Kidd, a history professor at Baylor University in Texas.
“No matter if John Wesley or someone else came up with a wise saying - if it sounds proverbish, people figure it must come from the Bible,”
He later writes about another popular non-Biblical phrase: spare the rod and spoil the child, which is often quoted in an effort to support physical punishment.
The bottom line for me after reading this article is to remind me that not everyone who quotes the Bible actually has read what they are quoting AND that that I need to continue to diligently question every teaching and check it against the source document for accuracy not only in word but context.
Christians also need to actually read the book that they haul around to meetings and church--what a concept. Open the cover and read and question and search the pages for the actual words of God.
The premise of the article is that most Christians have never read the Bible, nor are they well versed on what the Bible actually says.
He makes a strong case by pointing out a number of phrases which people usually believe are Biblical--but which do not appear anywhere within the Bible:
Some of the most popular faux verses are pithy paraphrases of biblical concepts or bits of folk wisdom.
Consider these two:
“God works in mysterious ways.”
“Cleanliness is next to Godliness.”
Both sound as if they are taken from the Bible, but they’re not. The first is a paraphrase of a 19th century hymn by the English poet William Cowper (“God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform).
The “cleanliness” passage was coined by John Wesley, the 18th century evangelist who founded Methodism, says Thomas Kidd, a history professor at Baylor University in Texas.
“No matter if John Wesley or someone else came up with a wise saying - if it sounds proverbish, people figure it must come from the Bible,”
He later writes about another popular non-Biblical phrase: spare the rod and spoil the child, which is often quoted in an effort to support physical punishment.
The bottom line for me after reading this article is to remind me that not everyone who quotes the Bible actually has read what they are quoting AND that that I need to continue to diligently question every teaching and check it against the source document for accuracy not only in word but context.
Christians also need to actually read the book that they haul around to meetings and church--what a concept. Open the cover and read and question and search the pages for the actual words of God.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Heroes who walk among us
Did you ever think about the person behind you in line at the grocery store?
Or the person driving the car in the lane opposite you on the highway?
There are heroes among us who we never, or rarely, acknowledge.
Who am I writing about? Well--there are many different categories of heroes--but today I'm especially sensitive to cancer survivors. I have been face to face with many cancer survivors--I call at least three of them friends, and this weekend after I saw the scars of the battle on my nephew and witnessed his "it's not gonna beat me" attitude I realized that cancer curvivors are truly special people.
They are members of a very special fraternity.
Cancer is destructive--we all know that, but these heroes who take the full brunt of cancer's assault in their bodies which leaves them disfigured--but alive, know it far better than we who only read about cancer or talk to the survivors.
There is no living with cancer--no armistice. Cancer is either growing or gone.
And the threat of a new assault is always there.
The battle, the struggle for life after cancer is an all or nothing proposition. There is no just living or coexisting with it.
It is a life or death struggle--beat it or die. A person I respected greatly knew she could not win the battle the second time around a few years ago--and decided to cross over into eternity. But she had thought she had already beaten this insidious killer once before.
And so to the heroes in my life--Sue, Mary, and Fran; I shout out to you. I am in awe of how you live your lives every day under the shadow. And to Troy--you so impressed me this past weekend with your spirit and you courage. I wasn't sure what I was going to find when I arrived at the hospital on Friday--but I found a fighter who is facing the worst that life can toss at him and is still smiling.
Good on ya!
Or the person driving the car in the lane opposite you on the highway?
There are heroes among us who we never, or rarely, acknowledge.
Who am I writing about? Well--there are many different categories of heroes--but today I'm especially sensitive to cancer survivors. I have been face to face with many cancer survivors--I call at least three of them friends, and this weekend after I saw the scars of the battle on my nephew and witnessed his "it's not gonna beat me" attitude I realized that cancer curvivors are truly special people.
They are members of a very special fraternity.
Cancer is destructive--we all know that, but these heroes who take the full brunt of cancer's assault in their bodies which leaves them disfigured--but alive, know it far better than we who only read about cancer or talk to the survivors.
There is no living with cancer--no armistice. Cancer is either growing or gone.
And the threat of a new assault is always there.
The battle, the struggle for life after cancer is an all or nothing proposition. There is no just living or coexisting with it.
It is a life or death struggle--beat it or die. A person I respected greatly knew she could not win the battle the second time around a few years ago--and decided to cross over into eternity. But she had thought she had already beaten this insidious killer once before.
And so to the heroes in my life--Sue, Mary, and Fran; I shout out to you. I am in awe of how you live your lives every day under the shadow. And to Troy--you so impressed me this past weekend with your spirit and you courage. I wasn't sure what I was going to find when I arrived at the hospital on Friday--but I found a fighter who is facing the worst that life can toss at him and is still smiling.
Good on ya!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Monday Musings - June 6, 2011
1. Happy D-Day--please pause to remember the sacrifices of those who served to protect our freedom and the brave men who stormed the beaches of Normandy to secure freedom for Europe from the oppression of the Nazi's.
2. OK--his name is Jackson and he is a movie critic--and he was on the Today Show. I recommend him for family movie reviews. Family Movie Reviews
3. If you want a laugh--check out Nicole's random quotes of the day in her blog: Our Crazy Family
4. Family gatherings bring out the best and the worst in all of us. It reminds us why we like to get together and and also why we live apart!
5. Space, the final frontier seems to be slipping farther and farther from us when once we embraced it as the new frontier.
6. Highway driving can be exciting and boring. I'd rather it was boring.
7. I've had the chance to drive through long stretches of rolling green mountains during the past couple of days--and it reminded me how much open space there really is out there that we need to protect.
8. Ugh. My coffee pot continues to give me fits. Nothing puts a damper on a morning more quickly than coffee pot problems.
9. I visited some Finger Lakes wineries yesterday. Part of me would love to have a vineyard--but I'm sure the mystique of owning and trying to run it would soon wear off.
10. Driving home yesterday, we saw many old cars on the highway. It was fun to look at them and think of the era gone by and how far our cars (and our highways) have come in terms of MPG, safety, and comfort.
2. OK--his name is Jackson and he is a movie critic--and he was on the Today Show. I recommend him for family movie reviews. Family Movie Reviews
3. If you want a laugh--check out Nicole's random quotes of the day in her blog: Our Crazy Family
4. Family gatherings bring out the best and the worst in all of us. It reminds us why we like to get together and and also why we live apart!
5. Space, the final frontier seems to be slipping farther and farther from us when once we embraced it as the new frontier.
6. Highway driving can be exciting and boring. I'd rather it was boring.
7. I've had the chance to drive through long stretches of rolling green mountains during the past couple of days--and it reminded me how much open space there really is out there that we need to protect.
8. Ugh. My coffee pot continues to give me fits. Nothing puts a damper on a morning more quickly than coffee pot problems.
9. I visited some Finger Lakes wineries yesterday. Part of me would love to have a vineyard--but I'm sure the mystique of owning and trying to run it would soon wear off.
10. Driving home yesterday, we saw many old cars on the highway. It was fun to look at them and think of the era gone by and how far our cars (and our highways) have come in terms of MPG, safety, and comfort.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sunday trips home
The problem with weekend trips is the return trip home. The adrenaline of the departure day just isn't there and traveling so much in such a short time is hard.
We need to make it more fun. But then we are usually so anxious to get home that we don't stop along the way.
Today we make the return trek from Ithaca to Elkridge. I look forward to getting home only to be confronted by the unmowed yard and everything else I failed to do around the house this weekend. Even the newspapers at the street will be there. Unmoved and unread.
But we have enjoyed the brief visit and I really appreciate everyone dropping their loves to accommodate our quick trip.
It will be good to get home.
Sent from my iPhone
We need to make it more fun. But then we are usually so anxious to get home that we don't stop along the way.
Today we make the return trek from Ithaca to Elkridge. I look forward to getting home only to be confronted by the unmowed yard and everything else I failed to do around the house this weekend. Even the newspapers at the street will be there. Unmoved and unread.
But we have enjoyed the brief visit and I really appreciate everyone dropping their loves to accommodate our quick trip.
It will be good to get home.
Sent from my iPhone
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Rhododendron in NY
One thing I have been noticing is the multitude of blooms on the rhododendron's around the area. They are just magnificent.
Even against the gray and rainy skies.
This one was at my parents house. Bit they seemingly are everywhere one chooses to look.
Even with the rain it is a good day for visiting and I have been doing some odd jobs around my parent's house as well as catching up.
I do miss the 90's of last weekend though.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Leaving New York
Traffic is bad!
We just left the hospital and are headed out of the Big Apple.
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