We haven't been talking much lately, and almost never in the morning in a meaningful way. And my nighttime prayers have been really abbreviated or non-existent. So, He felt I needed to hear from him.
It wasn't real early--just a few minutes before my alarm and after one of the best night's sleep that I have had in a while because I finally went to the doctor yesterday for the headache which has bothered me for a week and got some medicine for the sinus infection that seems to be brewing.
So, I was ready to hear his voice before the noise of my life took over.
He told me that he loved me.
And then He asked me to tell him what was on my mind. And I did.
When I was done, He told to be still and listen.
And I heard the sound of peaceful breathing coming from the bed next to me where Chris was sleeping, as she has done almost every night for the past 36 years.
He reminded me that she loves me, too.
I pondered that for a while--as she continued her regular peaceful breathing.
I love her too.
God intervened in the moment to tell me again that He still loves me. So does Chris. So do my kids and grandkids. And it is not a shallow love, but a love that pulls together when one of us needs something. I heard Jeremy say: "Because, that's how we roll," in my head.
It is the love that had 14 of us praying in a circle in a hospital waiting room about two and a half years ago for Jax during his open heart surgery at the tender age of six days. "Team Jackson," I remembered Patrick said.
I am here for you too, God reminded me. My pillow was damp with the tear of peace that rolled down my cheek following behind the tears of shame and regret that had been trying to escape from my eye.
I remembered how the sun had suddenly peaked out from behind a dark cloud last evening after I had been drenched in a driving rain walking into the pharmacy. And despite being wet and chilled--the presence of the sun warmed me--not just physically, but emotionally, too.
God reminded me--that what is the most important to me is not always what I devote the most time to. And, sometimes, there are things in my life that I give time to that I shouldn't. I'm not balanced.
He reminded me that He can help with that, if I let him. He also reminded me that while I feel that a lot of people depend upon me, and not just my family, I too, depend upon a lot of people if I would only notice them more.
Like I told Dylan and Rachel just two short weeks ago, we are not meant to go through life alone. Life is a team sport.
I've been playing like the basketball superstar that scores 50 or more points in a losing effort because I'm trying to be one man show.
Despite liking to lead, sometimes I need to follow.
I've got a lot to work on, things to repair, and others to face the consequences of poor choices and decisions. But there is good coach and a strong team to keep me between the white lines.
God reminded me that He is there for me, we just need to chat more.
And all I could say was, amen.
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Location:Rainbow Dr,Elkridge,United States
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1 comment:
Love ya dad!!!
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