Christmas Shopping

People who know me, understand how much I love to go shopping during the Christmas season.

There is nothing better in the world than waiting for what seems like hours to get into the parking lot and then dueling like knights of old encased in armor on their steeds for a parking spot. And an especially fun game is stalking the other shoppers as the make their way to their cars burdened with all of the items they just purchased. Just remember--extra points are awarded for nudging their knees with your bumper but not causing them to fall down.

Once my car is parked, I love playing dodge the distracted drivers as I make my way to the store doors by acting like a combat soldier under fire. You never know where the mini Cooper with your name in its bumper is going to come from.

Of course--once in the store the free for all mentality just adds to the ambiance of the season. Truly the slower and weaker shoppers are at a disadvantage. The battles occurring at the sale bins are truly epic. To the victor goes the sale items.

Long lines at the registers after fighting through the throngs of shoppers to exfiltrate my desired purchases provide a much needed opportunity to catch up on my email on my iPhone. I mean, it is not like I have anywhere else I'd rather be, right?

At the register, the weary eyes of the totally burned out cashier barely acknowledge my existence as he calls out my total amount due, which rivals the national debt. "Thank goodness for American Express," Chris said as she smiled at me indicating that I was paying for this trip to Toys R Us.

And then back out into the darkness of the over loaded parking lot to secure safe passage to the car. Again risking life and limb by dodging distracted, confused, and frankly upset drivers who, like me a few hours ago, could not find suitable parking for their too large SUV.

Safely back home with the gifts parked, I realize that this was only step one. Next--wrapping, then transporting and opening and clean up. but that is still a few days away.

I love Christmas shopping.

Please sir, can I have some more?