Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Aliens? Possibly?

 


Are we alone in the universe?

Recent discussions about UAP's (unidentified aerial phenomenon) leave open the possibility that we (humankind) are not the only intelligent life forms in the universe. I use the term "intelligent" loosely given all of the dumb things we do to each other and our planet. 

Although when directly asked, a NASA spokesperson responded: “One of Nasa’s key priorities is the search for life elsewhere in the universe, but so far, NASA has not found any credible evidence of extraterrestrial life and there is no evidence that UAPs are extraterrestrial. However, Nasa is exploring the solar system and beyond to help us answer fundamental questions, including whether we are alone in the universe.” (The Guardian)


I suppose we may never really know if we are alone--but the possibilities are there, as of late, that we are not. 


Happy Flag Day!

Happy Hump Day!


-- Bob Doan, Tequesta, FL

Sunday, February 19, 2023

Sunday Funnies

 With the demise of newspapers and newsprint, I realized that I have not been reading the Sunday comics in many many years. 

A friend sent a a number of single frame thought provoking items that might have once been used in the papers and I though I would pass on two this morning.

They come from an email labeled cartoons for intellectuals. 


This one made me laugh. How often has this been true. The the tongue cuts deeper than we often believe.




Read carefully for context!


Enjoy!

Oh yes, thanks to Mary for these and others which I may share in the future!


-- Bob Doan, Tequesta, FL

Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Winter Weather Driving

 

Winter weather driving can be dangerous. 

White-outs, blizzards, freezing rain, ice and irresponsible drivers can make the daily commute or the trip to the store a dangerous undertaking. 

I received a graphic from a friend, who is trapped in the north, which provided some timely and important Winter weather driving rules, titled Tips for Driving in the Snow, and I am sharing it today. 

From personal experience, I can attest to the validity of the tips provided. I might add a fifth: avoid getting sand in your beverage.

Thanks to Jason for sending me the snow driving tips.


-- Bob Doan, Tequesta, FL

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Starting Off August


Well, it is August after all. 

I note that the days are getting shorter and the temperatures are cooler. I am seeing some lows in the 60s in the forecast--which is a sign that Autumn is lingering on the horizon. 

Periodically Funny Chemist


A friend sent me the link to the above image. I thought it might be nice to begin August with a bit of humor. 

Lights Reflecting in the Pool
Elkridge, MD
August 3, 2020
Last evening as I was preparing for my second encounter with Tropical Storm/Hurricane Isaias, the first being my condo in Florida, I looked out at my pool and found the reflection of the lights in the rain to be interesting.  

We have colored lights on the pool house and white lights on the fence. I found the reflection in the water interesting, at least for a few seconds. 

The colored lights are a good way to celebrate, well at least note, that yesterday the U.S. had the smallest daily rise in coronavirus cases in weeks. Perhaps, as a country we are beginning to turn the corner. That would certainly be good news! And we definitely need some good news. 

Maybe August will be the turning point?

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Sunday, February 23, 2020

Funny Signs


Virginia is for lovers, I am guessing that it is also for people with a refined sense of humor. 

Yesterday, while visiting wineries/vineyards in Loudon County, Virginia, we happened upon a sign that made me smile and also decide to take an image of it. I am glad the owners of the winery had a sense of humor. I am also glad that wineries are a place where families can go to have fun for an afternoon. 

It was a beautiful day, with clear blue skies and a warm sun in the sky. It was hard to believe that it was only the 22nd of February and I was visiting wineries wearing only a jersey shirt. One of the wineries had fire pits roaring and it would have been nice to sit and enjoy a bottle of wine around the fire pit, but as it was getting late and consuming too much wine while on a road trip is not recommended, we passed on the fire pits and returned home. 

We had a great afternoon, visited some nice wineries, and enjoyed a mid-Winter's day.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD


Friday, January 3, 2020

Pup Chillin'


Why do I like dogs? 

Finnegan with his Flamingo
Relaxing
Elkridge, MD
January 2, 2020
I often wonder about that when I am walking them or cleaning up the yard--and especially after I step into a pile of poop that I missed.

Dogs are an extension of who we are--they are what we make and mold them to become. If they are ignored, they can become wild and unruly--but with training and care they become our best friends and provide companionship and humor.

Last evening, Finnegan took a break from the activity around the house and was chilling with his toy flamingo. It was cute to see him in his bed with his toy. Hmmmm, perhaps that is what I would have rather been doing instead of taking down the Christmas decorations and putting them away in the attic. 

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Thursday, December 12, 2019

How to Drive in Snow


This was sent by a friend to brighten my day. 

Palm Tree with Moon in Front of my House
Tequesta, FL
November 16, 2019

I think it contains sage winter driving advice. Of course, this is only valid for the Northern Hemisphere, but that is where I live so it works fine. 

The best way to safely drive in snow is to get away from the region! The problem with driving in snow is not me, it is everyone else on the road. 

So when the snow falls, consider following the enclosed advice--it will be worth it, AND as an added benefit you will gain some much needed Vitamin D while working on your tan.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Bucket Battle


Bucket Battle
The Gauntlet is Thrown
Odenton, MD
October 9, 2019
There was a humorous moment after baseball practice last evening. 

Bucket Battle 2
The Crowd Gets Serious
Odenton, MD
October 9, 2019
The team uses painters buckets, the big, 5 gallon plastic ones, to hold the baseballs that are used during practice. It is really nice that there are a couple dozen practice balls, but keeping them from becoming a ground safety hazard can be difficult and we use the buckets to corral them. That makes the balls confined and accessible for drills and batting practice. 

It seems that during practice a couple of the buckets got in the way of a drill and some enterprising team member stacked them together to clear the mess. That seemed like a good idea at the time, but it resulted in a post-practice scene where grown adults and boys attempted to separate the buckets--with no success. 

Bucket Battle 3
The Buckets are Winning
Odenton, MD
October 9, 2019
Over a short time, more and more people because involved in the bucket battle as time wore on, but to no avail. The stubborn buckets would not be separated. 

The best minds, and brawn, at practice last evening could not separate the buckets. AND, it is important to note that there are holes in the bottom of the buckets to help prevent just the situation that occurred. The holes allow air into the buckets and prevent the creation of a vacuum. 

As I left practice, the buckets had claimed victory and were being shuttled to a garage where tools could be applied to the situation. 

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Friday, January 5, 2018

Welcome to the Freezer


Frozen Meat
If a piece of meat in the freezer could talk it would describe conditions similar to what we are experiencing with the weather right now.

It is dark and cold. Frigid, even.

From WBALTV.com
I found a headline in this morning's Washington Post especially humorous:

Dear Northerners: We get that this weather is no big deal for you. Now please shut up.
There are some very funny things written in the article comparing our eight-day long deep freeze to experiences around the country with the cold.

I found this one particularly funny, having been to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan during the winter:

From WBALTV.com
The people from Michigan would love to tell you about the time they were frozen to their snowmobile for 70 hours until they were licked free by a domesticated elk — but frankly, that is what you sign up for when you live in Michigan. If you live in Michigan, you get cheap real estate, nice lake access and below-zero mornings.

It is not what we sign-up for living in the mid-Atlantic region. 

According to the forecast, there is almost no hope of getting above freezing until Monday!

At least no one can say we are having a "mild" winter! Maybe there will be fewer insects this summer.

Spring cannot be too far off. The Baltimore Orioles pitchers and catchers report for Spring Training in 39 days.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Incognito Golfer


Makayla Ready for a Round of Golf
It seems that the arrival of a new puppy into the household is having an unexpected  impact on Makayla. She has come very attached to me. Too attached.

Makayla does not want to be separated from me for any reason. Whenever the puppy, Finnegan, is about Makayla finds a place close to me and parks herself. 

The other morning, as I was preparing to head out for a round of golf she figured out I was leaving and tried to disguise herself as my partner.

The ruse did not work. I knew that I was the only left-handed golfer in the house. 

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Friday, February 5, 2016

How Can You Tell . . . ?


I have been listening to the politicians arguing in the aftermath of the Iowa Caucus. 

What a miserable situation with every campaign claiming victory or blaming some other campaign for their poor showing. I remember a joke about it all.

How can you tell that a politician is lying?

Answer.

Their lips are moving.


I have not heard so much negativity and subterfuge on a national basis in years. 

Who won Iowa?

Here's a thought. Since no one garnered more than 50 percent, no one won!

How hard is that? Clinton and Sanders can slice the vote however they want--but there was no majority and therefore no mandate.

On the other side, how can someone who gets only 20-something percent of the vote declare victory?

I wish I could be a winner with 28 percent. In real life, I actually need something closer to 99 percent to be considered a winner. Has anyone else considered that anything less than 50.1 percent is not a winning percentage? Let's get a grip and stop letting politicians change what we know is true. Winning is different than losing.

So how can you tell? Yea, their lips are moving.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Monday, January 25, 2016

Monday Musings - January 25, 2016


Blue Jay at the Feeder during the Storm
1. In addition to the birds we enjoy feeding, bird feeders can bring unwanted visitors as well. We had to witness a hawk feeding on one of the mourning doves that had come to our feeder during the storm. Nature is hard.

2. Yesterday morning, a deer had made a nest under one of our trees in the snow. It stayed there for most of the morning until the dogs began to get worked up.

Mockingbird at the Feeder during the Storm
3. As computers get easier to use, they become harder to understand.

4. Someday I'm going to own a car that will drive to me when I summon it. 

5. Update from the storm--the street in front of the house has not yet been cleared. There is 30 inches of snow in it meaning that I am not going anywhere. Even the Jeeps get stuck because of lack of ground clearance.

6. Leading the news again this morning, at least in the Baltimore-DC region is the storm and the clean-up. Ill equipped as the region is to handle this much snow, it could take all week to get back to normal--and then there is another storm on the horizon.

7. The Washington Post called the storm "Snowzilla."

8. It was 11 degrees this morning. Ugh! I guess winter just wants to remind me which season is currently driving the bus.

9. I thought we could all use a joke this morning, and so from Joke of the Day, here it is:

A blonde goes to her doctor and says that every time she drinks a coffee her eye hurts. The doctor prepared her a hot, fresh cup of coffee to see what really happens. She took a sip of the coffee and screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" The doctor said, "I know your problem." The blonde asked, "Is it bad, doctor?" The doctor replied, "No, you just need to take your spoon out of your cup before you drink your coffee."

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

The Last Gifts of Christmas


Poinsettia Tree
Columbia Mall, Columbia, MD
It happened overnight; Autumn surrendered and Winter arrived. 

To celebrate the event, I sojourned to The Mall in Columbia to complete my Christmas shopping. I especially enjoy viewing the poinsettia tree that adorns the mall each year. I only needed a couple of items to finish my shopping.

As cashier handed me the bag containing the gifts that I had purchased, I told the her that I was going to do something crazy--and I did.

Santa announces the First Gift of Christmas
The Polar Express
I held the bag above my head and announced, "The last gifts of Christmas."  In my mind I was replaying a scene from The Polar Express, where Santa awards the first gift of Christmas--but I am sure the reference was lost on all of the startled shoppers except myself. They did give me a polite chuckle.

Unfortunately, my Mom had to witness the entire event. I'm sure she thought I was crazy.

But--as winter has finally arrived, I have completed my shopping and starting tomorrow, the days will begin getting progressively longer as the dark season wanes.

The celebration is underway!

I've already hauled out the holly, which is part of a classic Christmas song that was actually set in July. Maybe that is why I like it--the song is really about summer. More like how it would be to celebrate an Australian Christmas.

Let the holiday get underway--winter has arrived. Springtime cannot be more than about 90 days away!

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Awash in Pumpkin Pie Spice


What is it about this time of year? Pumpkin Pie spice flavor is everywhere. Retailers and shops promote the "return of pumpkin pie spice!" Really? It sounds like some kind of horror movie!

Why are people so infatuated with the flavor, which by the way I do not fully appreciate?

What is pumpkin pie spice? It is a combination of common spices: cinnamon, cardamom, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, and ginger! Some of the most common cooking spices to be found in the most basic kitchen. 

Here is the really funny part: there is no pumpkin in pumpkin pie spice! It is the collection of spices which go into pumpkin pie to give it that down home, Thanksgiving-memory-smell that just screams: "eat me!" And don't forget the ice cream and whipped cream!

Well, for some people. 

I think America has gone overboard with the seasonal spice. I think there are even beers which advertise a pumpkin pie spice variety. 



I searched on pumpkin pie spice and  found some amazing products that are laced with the seasonal concoction. Among them marshmallows, cough medicine, and cookies. There are also liqueurs, ice creams, and yogurts! I saw an advertisement for pumpkin pie wine--seriously, made in Texas, of all places (get a grip!).

I believe that the love for this spice is out of control. The marketing machines have created a monster!

Yes, it is likely a comfort concoction to help sooth the transition from the warmth and excitement of summer to the day and dreary days of winter, but I thought that's what falling leaves were created to help us with.

All things in moderation, I seem to remember the old colloquialism. Back off on the pumpkin pie spice and enjoy the season.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Talking about the Weather, Again!

10 Day Forecast for Elkridge, MD
March 5, 2015
It is the weather after all. There isn't much we can do about it. It happens despite our plans.

I'm sitting here this morning writing and waiting for a storm that will drop 5-8 inches of snow on the region and paralyze the activities of the day. I have already changed my plans. 

Celebrations and good-byes that were planned have been rescheduled, additional groceries (including a healthy amount of wild bird seed) have been purchased and stored, and the vehicles are fully gassed and ready for any exigency. 

But there is frustration.

The weather forecasters say the storm is coming--but as I write this not a flake has fallen from the sky.

Has the storm disappeared? Changed course? Magically decided to miss this small region of the planet?

Probably not! They say the evil forces of nature are still taking direct aim at all of us who live here and we have had enough warning and should be prepared for the worst.

I remember that when I was a kid, weather just seemed to happen. We would wake in the morning and figure out the weather for the day. There wasn't a lot of preparation. During the winters in Central New York, I would wake up and see that 10 additional inches of snow had fallen and realize that I needed to shovel the driveway before the bus came to take me to school.

I detest shoveling snow probably because of those cold, dark winter's mornings of my youth.

I am encouraged, however, the 10-day forecast is now showing temperatures approaching 60 degrees!!! Yay. Maybe this terrible spate of weather is finally going to break and we will return to something more normal.

I think I will focus upon the forecast to get me through the snow that is still coming all too soon.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Twas the day before Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Thoughts:

Eat a turkey, don't be one.

Be thankful for your blessings.

Enjoy the day and the weekend.

Stay away from the black friday sales, all they want is your money.

I found a website about 62 Thoughts Everyone has During Thanksgiving Dinner. Here are my favorites:

2. It’s about time. The turkey “is going to be ready in 30 minutes”…for the past hour and a half.
14. Oh great, now dad has to carve the turkey. Why didn’t he do that before we sat down?
15. Watching dad carve the turkey is the Thanksgiving equivalent of watching paint dry. Except I am HUNGRY.
30. Everyone calm down! I’m not Dr. Octopus!
31. Why are we talking about politics? This will only lead to the parents shouting so loudly people are spitting food across the table.
32. DON’T MENTION HILLARY. WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T MENTION HILLARY.
33. Darn. Mom mentioned Hillary. Here we go.
34. Oh no, grandpa tasted the turkey. I am not ready for this.
35. PLEASE DON’T SAY HOW “MOIST” THE TURKEY IS.
36. DRY! It’s dry! I feel so very #blessed.
60. Literally all I am capable of doing right now is rolling over to the couch and passing out.
61. God, I am SO glad Thanksgiving is over.
62. And I can’t believe we’re doing this again in a month for Christmas.

Happy Thanksgiving!

--Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Thursday, November 6, 2014

A New Butler in the House

I felt rich, for about a minute last evening as the new butler, Hermann, arrived to tend to our needs.

And then it was all downhill. Although it was a great buy from the after Halloween sales, the butler is just creepy! He has a mean sense of humor too--like saying something about dinner being served in the dungeon. Really? We don't have a dungeon, do we?

He says a bunch of other weird things and Makayla is terrified of him. 

Frankly, I get kind of creeped out by him too. Thank goodness he was on a 90 percent off sale and Chris brought him home for $5. 

It is almost too bad he will need to wait a whole year to terrify some unsuspecting trick or treater.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD



Thursday, September 18, 2014

Riordin in a Wreath

Riordin in the Wreath
Why do we have animals? 

Because our children are grown and they make us smile when they do crazy stuff. Grandchildren do crazy things too, but they aren't around near as much as animals.

Enter Riordin.

Yup, the cat that came back and the undisputed king of the castle. 

The other night we received a nice gift of a wreath for our door. Riordin saw it laying in the counter and determined it to be his personal space.
Riordin Relaxing

It was pretty funny--of course being a cat, the humor was lost upon him. But, we laughed and photographed his antics. 

He makes us laugh.

Belly laugh!

That is why we have animals.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD


Thursday, June 26, 2014

Olive Safari Explained

In reference to my posting from last week about trying to find olives in a grocery store, the error of my shopping expectations was pointed out to me.

While shopping for olives, I found three widely separated places in the store where olives were displayed--and of course it was in the third place that the specific type of olive for which I was searching was available. 

It turns out, as was postulated to me, that 3 persons in 100 probably are searching for olives on any given day. And these 3 people have different expectations for where the olives will be found. By placing olives in each of the 3 probable locations, these 3 shoppers will be happy and continue to shop at that store. The other 97 don't care and will buy olives wherever they are.

My problem, it turns out, was that I am a novice shopper and did not have the proper expectation with respect to the marketing scheme. Also, I was searching for a specific olive without fully understanding the marketing behind olives. No one actually goes shopping for olives! I, therefore, had two strikes against me. My third strike, as everyone knows, is that I am a guy and grocery stores are definitely not organized for guys. By placing olives in three unique and separate locations, they are more likely to satisfy the impulse shopper who sees them and thinks--I need olives, but really can't remember for what. 

To summarize,  I needed olives, a specific olive, and well, I'm a guy which is why my results were less than satisfactory.

Note to self--stay out of grocery stores unless accompanied by a competent woman.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

You Might Be a . . .

I decided that I needed to change up the tone of my writing a bit, it has been a bit serious lately, which is not surprising. But, I found something to chuckle about while I was visiting Upstate NY this past weekend.

I remember the famous monologue that Jeff Foxworthy does that describes things that would suggest that "you might be a Redneck." I have always found these funny, mostly because some of them hit a bit close to home.

Well, I have a new one to add to the list on the website of 300 reasons that you might be a redneck.

You might be a redneck if your 2012 truck has one mirror held on by packing tape.

I found this relatively new road warrior--a beautiful 2012 truck with this one defect--it apparently had some issues going into or out of the garage.

I have to admit--I too, might be a redneck because as number 298 on the list of 300 reasons says:

Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)
Spring begins in two days--and it still feels like winter. I believe the rodent got it right.

-- Bob Doan, Elkridge, MD
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